Why did I have to get the American assignment? A small job in Iran or even in the chaos of Syria would have been so much more preferable to what seemed a cushy assignment in America. It was all so innocent, to start. I went camping with some of my American hosts. We were going to hike, a boat and drink was all. It sure didn't stay that way.
Then the prospect of a little side adventure sorting out organ stealing, Mexican thugs drew my attention. That got a little hotter than was good, but the local sheriff just played along and ignored the brass. He seemed to blow the incident off as "soldiers will be soldiers" and a few dead illegals weren't as issue. Nice place... remind me to carry my papers around here.
It all went South when I saw the "thing." Some sort of faceless, Native American, liver eating thing. I like a little chopped liver as much as the next guy, but this thing just took the liver right outta people. Somehow the other vacationers saw it as well. If it had just been me, I could roll it out to stress. When a doctor and an EMT see it as well, it's really there. Somehow a Hollywood pretty boy and some sort of ashram refugee got involved too.
That was the tame part. Did you know that dogs can talk? Not YouTube fake talking, seriously have a conversation about the health value of belly rubs with you. Yeh? Neither did I. Somebody better buy that bean recipe before the dog gets busted. Did you know that my mother ran off and had an affair? Yeh? Neither did I. She apparently had the hots for egotistical Egyptian guys. Did you know that the Pagan deities are real creatures that run around ruining peoples' lives? Yeh? Neither did I, till now that is.
Seems that the doctor, the EMT, the ashram escapee, Mr. Hollywood and I are all the products of the Pagan deities ruining peoples' lives. Here's a new fact for ya... Uncle Sam (yeh, the guy in the cheesy posters) is apparently a Pagan deity. That should make the fundamentalist Christians fly right off the wheel. Ms. EMT has Uncle Sam for her daddy. Ms. Doctor has Anahita for a mommy. Mr. Hollywood has Angus for a daddy. We don't know which 8 limbed thing out of India gave us Ms. Ashram yet.
I drew the short straw and got Ra, somehow. At least I'm still a Jew, even if I'm no longer a Levite. For this to happen, Hashem has to have a reason. Right? You have a reason... something better than whatever was behind the duck billed platypus, please?
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