Well... nothing like going from being a complete unknown to being the talk of FOX News. The little incident down at the camp site became a political issue. It was no longer the local government trying to decide what to do with me. It was the American national government and mine negotiating what to do with me.
After a little prep with Tiernan, who is a law student, I was able to handle the inquiry. Under some real obscure state law, I am not only allowed to shoot people who are attacking other people, I am obligated to do so. It also helped that they were all illegal immigrants who were members of a known violent gang.
The fact that I am a foreign soldier, the body count and the immigration status of the dead has made me the talk of the pundit circuit and the American Congress. This "Tea" party group has made me a cause celeb while the bleeding hearts demonize me. Some guy name O'Reilly offered me a lot of zeros to talk to him. My... lawyer... politely declined. Zeros are nice, but the media is terrible. Can I please just go back to being an unknown?
It shouldn't surprise me, but my superiors know about people like me. What does surprise me is the fact that they are fine with it. Apparently the ones who aren't in active military service aren't considered military or civilians. My superiors are so fine with it that I've been asked to involve my new companions on the primary mission. They weren't even implying that I secretly use the group without it's knowledge. I am to openly approach and involve them.
I've already spoken to Tiernan and Ratri about it and they're interested...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
(IC)Fate or Punishment
After the previous evening's excitement, we decided the day was best spent being tourists. The morning's paper had news of befouled waters and dead animals, but I largely ignored it as typical American corporate greed. I met up with Sophie and Tiernan to see the sites. I only wish I remembered doing so and seeing the sites. My phone is full of great pictures of the Mormon temple grounds, Capitol building, some place called suicide rock and Antelope Island. My memories end with reading the paper and walking to the base gates for pick up. They start up again in a bar with only one beer in front of me.
We all started tracking back through our phone records to determine the events of the day. Tiernan noticed that there was an unnatural bird in one of my pictures. According to what he knew of it; it should be extinct as Hercules was supposed to have wiped them out, they are unnaturally destructive and are probably the cause of the pollution and dead animals, and they will attack anyone or anything in their territories. Again, so much for a normal day. Anything capable of causing such a lapse in us and that is as destructive as the legends paint this thing needs to be destroyed. We resolved to track it down the next day.
We drove back out to Antelope Island and tracked for it. We had to resort to renting a boat, as it wasn't on the main island. Tiernan decided that we needed a much fancier boat than would be my choice. Sophie's talking dog, Izzy, helped us track to a nest with one egg. After waiting to see if it would return to it's nest with no results, we destroyed the egg and went in search of the creature itself.
Izzy managed to scent us to where I spotted not only one, but three of the things. Rather than rush up on them, I decided that firing from range would be the best option. All three of us got shots in and managed to kill one and incapacitate the others before they reached the boat. Sophie decapitated the two that weren't killed right off. Their smell was foul enough to make my stomach a little uneasy, but Tiernan doesn't appear to have too strong a stomach. He became ill and Sophie decided to start describing the smell of charred human flesh to him just to mock his lack of constitution. By either of our standard, the poor fellow is a greenhorn.
Interesting discoveries include the fact that all I have to do is think about what firearm I want and my weapon becomes it, I tried a non-firearm once and it didn't change at all. I also had a very unpleasant chat with Tiernan and Sophie. Apparently Tiernan has been doing a lot of research. It seems that there is this quality called Fate that surrounds those of us with our parentage. This Fate means that we really are magnates for the odd. If Sophie gets called to a fire, she will discover that a bored fire elemental set it. If I go on a mission against a typical terrorist foe, I will discover a Djinn. If there is going to be something extraordinarily odd, we are the types of people drawn to it or it is drawn to. This means that any normal people who are with us will be in more danger than if they weren't with us. The others have hero stories to follow. Apparently Ra's culture doesn't have heroes. It has their deities and prized intellectuals.
Oh Hashem... please guide me in how I am to approach my superiors with this? I shall endeavor to be as Job under this test.
We all started tracking back through our phone records to determine the events of the day. Tiernan noticed that there was an unnatural bird in one of my pictures. According to what he knew of it; it should be extinct as Hercules was supposed to have wiped them out, they are unnaturally destructive and are probably the cause of the pollution and dead animals, and they will attack anyone or anything in their territories. Again, so much for a normal day. Anything capable of causing such a lapse in us and that is as destructive as the legends paint this thing needs to be destroyed. We resolved to track it down the next day.
We drove back out to Antelope Island and tracked for it. We had to resort to renting a boat, as it wasn't on the main island. Tiernan decided that we needed a much fancier boat than would be my choice. Sophie's talking dog, Izzy, helped us track to a nest with one egg. After waiting to see if it would return to it's nest with no results, we destroyed the egg and went in search of the creature itself.
Izzy managed to scent us to where I spotted not only one, but three of the things. Rather than rush up on them, I decided that firing from range would be the best option. All three of us got shots in and managed to kill one and incapacitate the others before they reached the boat. Sophie decapitated the two that weren't killed right off. Their smell was foul enough to make my stomach a little uneasy, but Tiernan doesn't appear to have too strong a stomach. He became ill and Sophie decided to start describing the smell of charred human flesh to him just to mock his lack of constitution. By either of our standard, the poor fellow is a greenhorn.
Interesting discoveries include the fact that all I have to do is think about what firearm I want and my weapon becomes it, I tried a non-firearm once and it didn't change at all. I also had a very unpleasant chat with Tiernan and Sophie. Apparently Tiernan has been doing a lot of research. It seems that there is this quality called Fate that surrounds those of us with our parentage. This Fate means that we really are magnates for the odd. If Sophie gets called to a fire, she will discover that a bored fire elemental set it. If I go on a mission against a typical terrorist foe, I will discover a Djinn. If there is going to be something extraordinarily odd, we are the types of people drawn to it or it is drawn to. This means that any normal people who are with us will be in more danger than if they weren't with us. The others have hero stories to follow. Apparently Ra's culture doesn't have heroes. It has their deities and prized intellectuals.
Oh Hashem... please guide me in how I am to approach my superiors with this? I shall endeavor to be as Job under this test.
(IC)The Godfather's Kidney
I'm on temporary suspension. The local, state level government is debating whether to push for action against me or not. It is no surprise that the leftist, pro-Palestinian factions within the local population are pushing the hardest against me. I did shoot and kill several civilians and seriously injure others. Whether they are involved in criminal activity or not, I am officially a member of a foreign military. To the American people this is tantamount to invasion. The only thing that has saved me from public lynching is the fact that my targets were illegal immigrant criminal gang members in the process of attacking an American citizen. Until this is resolved, my training as a pilot of the new F-35 is on hold.
My actual superiors are less than pleased, but understand why the action happened. They're running into more blocks than planned in Tooele and are debating the order for me to go in, rather than more low key operatives. If I get called in, things have really hit the fan. Until I get called to the military review board, I'm just to stay out of trouble.
I figured the best way to do this was to be a simple tourist and follow through with my plans to teach the civilians I found myself lumped in with how to fire their weapons. Safe, non-combat firing range time and touring the sites would keep me out of trouble. Did that ever fail.
It all started with finding out at the firing range. The police using the range around us were talking about the gang member I didn't kill. Apparently the guy woke up at the hospital and swore to "get the people who did this to him." Sophie, Tiernan and I decided to look into this, as it was us they would be targeting. We had no idea what Ratri was up to and Shar was in Chicago, at a medical conference.
A few hours later, we were a trio of "cholos" getting the word on the street. Turns out it wasn't us they were after. It was Shar's fiancee. They were still hot for his kidney. Sophie and Tiernan warned the fellow, while I staked him out at the hospital in the guise of a drunken Native American. I never want to drink that much free, bad coffee again. The other two went off in search of the computer records held by the now dead medical student that had been working for the gang.
The computer records trip paid off. Shar's fiancee was specifically targeted by a Mafia family out of Chicago. About the time I got the word of this, three stereotypes walked into the hospital. Apparently the Mafia really does look and act like they do in "The Godfather." They killed a receptionist and used the desk system to call Shar's fiancee down for an emergency. He had the awareness to bolt and lock doors behind himself as soon as he saw the Italian goons.
Since I had messaged the others as soon as I saw the goons, the three of us broke in on the goons from different directions. We managed to take them down and get out with the unconscious leader before the police showed up. There are a large number of older, unsecured cars in a hospital parking lot. Utah police will be looking for a drunk Native American with Ninja training, a blonde bimbo with a huge axe and a really cute frat boy.
The Mafia group leader talked. The judicial application of electrical stimulus does wonders. Apparently Shar's fiancee was a perfect donor match for a Mafia boss who was in hiding. The boss' family would not give up on saving their leader's life. I left him in a place for the police to find, as he still had the death of a receptionist to pay for. The car wasn't damaged in any way. So, as soon as the courts are done with it, the owner will get it back. With the news gathered, we got Shar's fiancee to leave town.
Interesting discoveries include that I can't get lost, I can jump yards instead of feet, and I feel compelled to act against disorder more now than ever. The rot of their infrastructure seems to upset me more about the Palestinians than it should. You would think that discovering that I am a thing out of legend would make me break from tradition, but it doesn't. It somehow seems more important to maintain the ancient traditions of my people.
My actual superiors are less than pleased, but understand why the action happened. They're running into more blocks than planned in Tooele and are debating the order for me to go in, rather than more low key operatives. If I get called in, things have really hit the fan. Until I get called to the military review board, I'm just to stay out of trouble.
I figured the best way to do this was to be a simple tourist and follow through with my plans to teach the civilians I found myself lumped in with how to fire their weapons. Safe, non-combat firing range time and touring the sites would keep me out of trouble. Did that ever fail.
It all started with finding out at the firing range. The police using the range around us were talking about the gang member I didn't kill. Apparently the guy woke up at the hospital and swore to "get the people who did this to him." Sophie, Tiernan and I decided to look into this, as it was us they would be targeting. We had no idea what Ratri was up to and Shar was in Chicago, at a medical conference.
A few hours later, we were a trio of "cholos" getting the word on the street. Turns out it wasn't us they were after. It was Shar's fiancee. They were still hot for his kidney. Sophie and Tiernan warned the fellow, while I staked him out at the hospital in the guise of a drunken Native American. I never want to drink that much free, bad coffee again. The other two went off in search of the computer records held by the now dead medical student that had been working for the gang.
The computer records trip paid off. Shar's fiancee was specifically targeted by a Mafia family out of Chicago. About the time I got the word of this, three stereotypes walked into the hospital. Apparently the Mafia really does look and act like they do in "The Godfather." They killed a receptionist and used the desk system to call Shar's fiancee down for an emergency. He had the awareness to bolt and lock doors behind himself as soon as he saw the Italian goons.
Since I had messaged the others as soon as I saw the goons, the three of us broke in on the goons from different directions. We managed to take them down and get out with the unconscious leader before the police showed up. There are a large number of older, unsecured cars in a hospital parking lot. Utah police will be looking for a drunk Native American with Ninja training, a blonde bimbo with a huge axe and a really cute frat boy.
The Mafia group leader talked. The judicial application of electrical stimulus does wonders. Apparently Shar's fiancee was a perfect donor match for a Mafia boss who was in hiding. The boss' family would not give up on saving their leader's life. I left him in a place for the police to find, as he still had the death of a receptionist to pay for. The car wasn't damaged in any way. So, as soon as the courts are done with it, the owner will get it back. With the news gathered, we got Shar's fiancee to leave town.
Interesting discoveries include that I can't get lost, I can jump yards instead of feet, and I feel compelled to act against disorder more now than ever. The rot of their infrastructure seems to upset me more about the Palestinians than it should. You would think that discovering that I am a thing out of legend would make me break from tradition, but it doesn't. It somehow seems more important to maintain the ancient traditions of my people.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
(IC)My New "Friends"
I have names and deities now. The fact that these references becoming almost normal is the worst part...
Mrs. EMT - Sophie - Uncle Sam (American Pantheon)
Mr. Hollywood - Tiernan - Angus (Irish Pantheon)
Ashram escapee - Ratri - Ganesha (Hindu Pantheon)
Ms. Doctor - Shara - Anahita (Persian Pantheon)
Apparently, according to all our "parents" (except mine, he neglected to mention this amidst all his showmanship) we are supposed to work together to save America thus saving the world. I have the distinct feeling I've heard a version of that phrase somewhere... not pulling it up right now.
In addition to the Pagan deities running about and screwing up peoples' lives, we have monsters. I have to say, I kinda already knew about the monsters. Nothing specific, but in the field people run into stuff that doesn't always involve AK-47s or IEDs. Talk has spread around the offices about stuff from legend being real; field folks being lost to them, losing body parts to them, and just plain stories of weird sightings. Unlike the U.S. Air Force and their pilots seeing U.F.O.s, we take it seriously when our people show up with a Djinn story.
The big, Native American, liver eating monster turned out to not be a demon at all. It's an ogress or giantess. Yes, it's a girl. According to the walking libraries, otherwise known as Ratri and Sharra, it was cornered by 3 tribes of Native Americans and trapped a long time ago. Apparently some drunk teenagers and their car let it go.
After tracking down what happened to the Native Americans hunting the thing, we hiked up to have a look. I really need to teach these people how to be quiet. I may as well have been taking a herd of elephants (fitting, considering Ratri's heritage) onto a stealth mission. We also need to leave the "civilians" at home. I'm not talking about the research scientist or doctor or actor. I'm talking about the untrained family members of our odd little group. They can't contribute much and will die fast once hit. It serves no purpose to endanger them.
It wasn't particularly surprising that the ogress tried to sneak up on us. Her method was pretty disgusting. She was wearing the skin of a Native American, lucky for us she wasn't wearing it completely right. A few of us noticed that the movements weren't matching and managed to open fire. The battle was chaotic and fast, as is normal for most firefights. I managed to get Sophie's husband out of the line of fire. The ogress surrendered and agreed to only hunt murderers, rapists and pedophiles. I'm fine with them losing their livers.
I missed my ride back to base, so Tiernan gave me a ride. Of course the American personnel made fun of it, implying an inappropriate relationship between us. That's normal behavior from them. Tiernan and I actually took the chance to talk. Seems he comes from a very wealthy, happy background. Think Kennedy's without all the bad press. For some reason, he thinks that being the child of a Pagan deity is a good thing and is adjusting to this whole mess disturbingly well.
Tiernan's asked for firearms training. Since his weapon has enough punch to do what is needed, he just needs the precision to make it effective. I agreed to teach him and the others basic combat procedures and firearms skills. Sophia seems to have things down with her axe. Yes, she hits monsters with a fancy fireman's axe. Very manly of her. I half expect her to don a metal bra and start singing Wagner one of these days. Ratri and Sharra are pretty useless in combat roles. They're egg heads, so that's to be expected. Sharra's the team medic, so she serves a good support role. Ratri is a theoretical scientist, not sure what to do with her other than wrap her in bubble wrap and keep her out of combat.
Mrs. EMT - Sophie - Uncle Sam (American Pantheon)
Mr. Hollywood - Tiernan - Angus (Irish Pantheon)
Ashram escapee - Ratri - Ganesha (Hindu Pantheon)
Ms. Doctor - Shara - Anahita (Persian Pantheon)
Apparently, according to all our "parents" (except mine, he neglected to mention this amidst all his showmanship) we are supposed to work together to save America thus saving the world. I have the distinct feeling I've heard a version of that phrase somewhere... not pulling it up right now.
In addition to the Pagan deities running about and screwing up peoples' lives, we have monsters. I have to say, I kinda already knew about the monsters. Nothing specific, but in the field people run into stuff that doesn't always involve AK-47s or IEDs. Talk has spread around the offices about stuff from legend being real; field folks being lost to them, losing body parts to them, and just plain stories of weird sightings. Unlike the U.S. Air Force and their pilots seeing U.F.O.s, we take it seriously when our people show up with a Djinn story.
The big, Native American, liver eating monster turned out to not be a demon at all. It's an ogress or giantess. Yes, it's a girl. According to the walking libraries, otherwise known as Ratri and Sharra, it was cornered by 3 tribes of Native Americans and trapped a long time ago. Apparently some drunk teenagers and their car let it go.
After tracking down what happened to the Native Americans hunting the thing, we hiked up to have a look. I really need to teach these people how to be quiet. I may as well have been taking a herd of elephants (fitting, considering Ratri's heritage) onto a stealth mission. We also need to leave the "civilians" at home. I'm not talking about the research scientist or doctor or actor. I'm talking about the untrained family members of our odd little group. They can't contribute much and will die fast once hit. It serves no purpose to endanger them.
It wasn't particularly surprising that the ogress tried to sneak up on us. Her method was pretty disgusting. She was wearing the skin of a Native American, lucky for us she wasn't wearing it completely right. A few of us noticed that the movements weren't matching and managed to open fire. The battle was chaotic and fast, as is normal for most firefights. I managed to get Sophie's husband out of the line of fire. The ogress surrendered and agreed to only hunt murderers, rapists and pedophiles. I'm fine with them losing their livers.
I missed my ride back to base, so Tiernan gave me a ride. Of course the American personnel made fun of it, implying an inappropriate relationship between us. That's normal behavior from them. Tiernan and I actually took the chance to talk. Seems he comes from a very wealthy, happy background. Think Kennedy's without all the bad press. For some reason, he thinks that being the child of a Pagan deity is a good thing and is adjusting to this whole mess disturbingly well.
Tiernan's asked for firearms training. Since his weapon has enough punch to do what is needed, he just needs the precision to make it effective. I agreed to teach him and the others basic combat procedures and firearms skills. Sophia seems to have things down with her axe. Yes, she hits monsters with a fancy fireman's axe. Very manly of her. I half expect her to don a metal bra and start singing Wagner one of these days. Ratri and Sharra are pretty useless in combat roles. They're egg heads, so that's to be expected. Sharra's the team medic, so she serves a good support role. Ratri is a theoretical scientist, not sure what to do with her other than wrap her in bubble wrap and keep her out of combat.
(IC)Hashem Before Ra
I hope Ra realizes that I'm not gonna give up who I really am just to fit in better with his shiny new varnish. I have been and always will be a warrior for my people. The traditions that I was raised in by my family are the traditions that I will always keep.
Apparently being a Mamzer comes with a few, odd benefits. I don't need a scope or night-vision goggles anymore. I can see perfectly fine at great distances, in pitch dark and in fouled conditioned like fog or a dust storm. My general physical and mental prowess also seems to have improved. Ra, you have given me physical rewards. Something much greater awaits me as a servant of Hashem. To clarify, Hashem... not the corruptions of this Aten creature.
Sh'ma Yis-ra-eil, A-do-nai E-lo-hei-nu, A-do-nai E-chad.
Ba-ruch sheim k'vod mal-chu-to l'o-lam va-ed.
V'a-hav-ta eit A-do-nai E-lo-he-cha b'chawl l'va-v'cha u-v'chawl naf-sh'cha, u-v'chawl m'o-de-cha. V'ha-yu ha-d'va-rim ha-ei-leh, a-sher a-no-chi m'tsa-v'cha ha-yom, al l'va-ve-cha. V'shi-nan-tam l'-va-ne-cha, v'di-bar-ta bam b'shiv-t'cha b'vei-te-cha, uv-lech-t'cha va-de-rech, u-v'shawch-b'cha uv-ku-me-cha. Uk-shar-tam l'ot al ya-de-cha, v'ha-yu l'to-ta-fot bein ei-ne-cha. Uch-tav-tam, al m'zu-zot bei-te-cha, u-vish-a-re-cha.
OC Translation of the Hebrew Transliteration:
Hear, O Israel, the L-rd is our G-d, the L-rd is One.
Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.
You shall love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them thoroughly to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign upon your arm, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.
Apparently being a Mamzer comes with a few, odd benefits. I don't need a scope or night-vision goggles anymore. I can see perfectly fine at great distances, in pitch dark and in fouled conditioned like fog or a dust storm. My general physical and mental prowess also seems to have improved. Ra, you have given me physical rewards. Something much greater awaits me as a servant of Hashem. To clarify, Hashem... not the corruptions of this Aten creature.
Sh'ma Yis-ra-eil, A-do-nai E-lo-hei-nu, A-do-nai E-chad.
Ba-ruch sheim k'vod mal-chu-to l'o-lam va-ed.
V'a-hav-ta eit A-do-nai E-lo-he-cha b'chawl l'va-v'cha u-v'chawl naf-sh'cha, u-v'chawl m'o-de-cha. V'ha-yu ha-d'va-rim ha-ei-leh, a-sher a-no-chi m'tsa-v'cha ha-yom, al l'va-ve-cha. V'shi-nan-tam l'-va-ne-cha, v'di-bar-ta bam b'shiv-t'cha b'vei-te-cha, uv-lech-t'cha va-de-rech, u-v'shawch-b'cha uv-ku-me-cha. Uk-shar-tam l'ot al ya-de-cha, v'ha-yu l'to-ta-fot bein ei-ne-cha. Uch-tav-tam, al m'zu-zot bei-te-cha, u-vish-a-re-cha.
OC Translation of the Hebrew Transliteration:
Hear, O Israel, the L-rd is our G-d, the L-rd is One.
Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.
You shall love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them thoroughly to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign upon your arm, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
(IC) I Am Not What I Thought
Why did I have to get the American assignment? A small job in Iran or even in the chaos of Syria would have been so much more preferable to what seemed a cushy assignment in America. It was all so innocent, to start. I went camping with some of my American hosts. We were going to hike, a boat and drink was all. It sure didn't stay that way.
Then the prospect of a little side adventure sorting out organ stealing, Mexican thugs drew my attention. That got a little hotter than was good, but the local sheriff just played along and ignored the brass. He seemed to blow the incident off as "soldiers will be soldiers" and a few dead illegals weren't as issue. Nice place... remind me to carry my papers around here.
It all went South when I saw the "thing." Some sort of faceless, Native American, liver eating thing. I like a little chopped liver as much as the next guy, but this thing just took the liver right outta people. Somehow the other vacationers saw it as well. If it had just been me, I could roll it out to stress. When a doctor and an EMT see it as well, it's really there. Somehow a Hollywood pretty boy and some sort of ashram refugee got involved too.
That was the tame part. Did you know that dogs can talk? Not YouTube fake talking, seriously have a conversation about the health value of belly rubs with you. Yeh? Neither did I. Somebody better buy that bean recipe before the dog gets busted. Did you know that my mother ran off and had an affair? Yeh? Neither did I. She apparently had the hots for egotistical Egyptian guys. Did you know that the Pagan deities are real creatures that run around ruining peoples' lives? Yeh? Neither did I, till now that is.
Seems that the doctor, the EMT, the ashram escapee, Mr. Hollywood and I are all the products of the Pagan deities ruining peoples' lives. Here's a new fact for ya... Uncle Sam (yeh, the guy in the cheesy posters) is apparently a Pagan deity. That should make the fundamentalist Christians fly right off the wheel. Ms. EMT has Uncle Sam for her daddy. Ms. Doctor has Anahita for a mommy. Mr. Hollywood has Angus for a daddy. We don't know which 8 limbed thing out of India gave us Ms. Ashram yet.
I drew the short straw and got Ra, somehow. At least I'm still a Jew, even if I'm no longer a Levite. For this to happen, Hashem has to have a reason. Right? You have a reason... something better than whatever was behind the duck billed platypus, please?
Then the prospect of a little side adventure sorting out organ stealing, Mexican thugs drew my attention. That got a little hotter than was good, but the local sheriff just played along and ignored the brass. He seemed to blow the incident off as "soldiers will be soldiers" and a few dead illegals weren't as issue. Nice place... remind me to carry my papers around here.
It all went South when I saw the "thing." Some sort of faceless, Native American, liver eating thing. I like a little chopped liver as much as the next guy, but this thing just took the liver right outta people. Somehow the other vacationers saw it as well. If it had just been me, I could roll it out to stress. When a doctor and an EMT see it as well, it's really there. Somehow a Hollywood pretty boy and some sort of ashram refugee got involved too.
That was the tame part. Did you know that dogs can talk? Not YouTube fake talking, seriously have a conversation about the health value of belly rubs with you. Yeh? Neither did I. Somebody better buy that bean recipe before the dog gets busted. Did you know that my mother ran off and had an affair? Yeh? Neither did I. She apparently had the hots for egotistical Egyptian guys. Did you know that the Pagan deities are real creatures that run around ruining peoples' lives? Yeh? Neither did I, till now that is.
Seems that the doctor, the EMT, the ashram escapee, Mr. Hollywood and I are all the products of the Pagan deities ruining peoples' lives. Here's a new fact for ya... Uncle Sam (yeh, the guy in the cheesy posters) is apparently a Pagan deity. That should make the fundamentalist Christians fly right off the wheel. Ms. EMT has Uncle Sam for her daddy. Ms. Doctor has Anahita for a mommy. Mr. Hollywood has Angus for a daddy. We don't know which 8 limbed thing out of India gave us Ms. Ashram yet.
I drew the short straw and got Ra, somehow. At least I'm still a Jew, even if I'm no longer a Levite. For this to happen, Hashem has to have a reason. Right? You have a reason... something better than whatever was behind the duck billed platypus, please?
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