Sunday, May 22, 2011

Stereotypes of the Cultures of the Pantheons

Aesir (Norse): “They are greedy, jack booted thugs. 6 million of my people were a means to an end. How do you like coming back to a pacifist society guys? Revenge is a bitch, ain't it?”

Amatsukami (Japanese): “They have to be raving fanatics about something. If it’s not Empire building, it’s Hello Kitty. I wonder what the death cry of a Hello Kitty kamikaze attack would be?”

Atlantean (Atlantis): “Who?”

Azlanti (Aztecs): “Feather skirts and throwing bloody corpses off pyramids, right? At least that sounds a little scarier than big hats and throwing your cousin across the border.”

British: “They’re all symbolism and show. There’s no real power there. Hell, a pacifist in a diaper kicked their asses.”

Devas (Hindu): “If these guys bothered to get organized, they never would have been conquered. Do you know what I could do with a few extra arms?”

Dodekatheon (Greek): “Talk about hedonists who follow whatever leader looks strongest at that minute. You need to get your heads out of each others' asses.”

French: “Who did they surrender to this week?”

Loa (Voodoo): “Really? Dancing in circles, drinking booze and killing chickens is actually a religion? Sounds fun... until you get to that whole possession part.”

Pesedjet (Egyptian): “I am not and never shall be their slave.”

Shen (Chinese): “It sure sucks when your own people are required by the same system of law that you helped to establish to stop worshiping you. Ya might wanna look into that.”

Soviet: “These assholes can go get eaten by a Titan.”

Tuatha da Danannan (Celtic): “I normally root for the underdog, except when he turns around and bites me. Pay close attention to who your real allies are.”

Yankee: “I forgive you for Twinkies and Sarah Palin.”

Yazata (Persian): “It’s about damn time that you guys re-surfaced. Persia never should have fallen to sand dune fanaticism. You guys want my help wiping out some mullahs?”

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